Repository Ripoff 3

( NA-1 )

this is a sequel to part one and two.

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Call Girls

Call Girls is (was) one of those small guilds made up mostly of friends that change guildnames every few months.

this particular guild had an interesting cross section of players in that they had dedicated pvpers along with massive carebears and a trade channel whore or two for good measure.

this is what initially got me involved with call girls, it has only been a few weeks since the NA server launch and houses of any kind are in short supply, 90% of the housing space is still free for the taking so long as you have a deed.

in addition to having "bewbz" leodus also had a deed, i on the other hand did not.

the intention was to set up a simple tradegank when i had several folks online and available, so after balking at my initial overly generous and unrealistic offer of 400k we settle on 450k because after all ol leodus is not a greedy fellow.

the next day i get a tell from leodus's guildmate come getsome.

apparently in exchange for being a greedy asswipe leodus's computer decided to explode and getsome will have to make the trade for him.

while harassing DIE on an alt i got to wondering if the deed was just sitting there in the call girls guildbank, i also now knew little details like leodus computer was broken from my earlier conversation with getsome......

i made my way to the chaos city and while hiding near the bank......

 well there wasn't a deed in the bank but i suppose a pair of hamlets and a guildbank is better than nothing.

i hate darkfalls chat system, i had all of these conversations going on simultaneously in separate tabs.

after hijacking the guild i was trying to play it off as a joke gone wrong so i could convince getsome to toss the deed in the bank for me to go and "make the trade", i probably could have pulled it off but unfortunately bad timing meant he had to go pick up his crotch fruit from school.

this is shaping up to be a bad day for everyone. leodus's computer took a shit, i still dont have a deed, getsome is about to spend a car ride with screaming children, alpha tramp cant war dec a newb to gank his logs and steve is still waaaaiting in the middle of nowhere unable to conduct a trade.

a few hours later getsome was back but in light of things highly suspicious and unwilling to put the deed in the bank, so we moved along to an attempted tradegank. it was close but no cigar as he was not encumbed and this is before my magic was high enough to use the come hither method.

steve proudly broadcasts the failed attempt still unaware that it was us that owned his guild and cities.

there we go, now he does =P

besides, getsome probably likes that motto better than the one declaring him to be a fudgepacker.

 everyone (well the two other folks that were online anyway) was a good sport about things except for steve who made a fool of himself by breaking out the standard and oh so original "suck my dick and go fuck each other in the ass!" diatribe before saying something about guantanamo bay, which still makes absolutely no fucking sense at all to me.

the bank was pretty crappy but we did get two hamlets, one of which we ended up using for a solid 2.5 months or so as our base on nilfheim until the mega zergs started laying sieges and gobbling up holdings and eventually snatching ours in the middle of the night when we were all asleep. 

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Axis of Ignorance

newbieguilds with a lifespan of 2 months are a dime a dozen in any game.

2 month newbieguilds that call themselves dumbfucks in their own guildtag however are not! indeed guilds of this nature can be expected to bring a special cut of total failure to the table.

this is me and buto.

we are on a raft chasing a raft packed full of axis of ignorance members that have just sieged one of the hamlets we stole from call girls.

after a lengthy chase they suddenly stopped (probably figuring 7v2 was a sure thing) where while under withering archer fire and without regard for his own well being buto managed to ram their raft.

he was posthumously awarded the dead nigger medal.

the shardholder, confident in the knowledge that he was indeed a badass decided it would be a good idea to jump into the ocean and swim off in some random direction where i killed him and won the siege before his guildmates even knew he was gone.

 approximately 30 seconds later i was standing in the middle of their raft at half health surrounded by six dead retards.

there is only one thing left to do.......

 which is gloat profusely while trying not to laugh a gizzard out.

while sorting through the loot and making my way back to civilization the one cold harbor guy that was among the rest of the carrion committed yet another act of hostility and officially declared WAR on us.

ill get to him later.

while we defeated the newbsiege, had a good laugh and demoralized the guild that had just lost their savings along with a night of sleep i was still unsatisfied.

after all they had committed an ACT OF WAR on us, unknowingly mind you but it is still a good excuse to be a dickhead and pound a few more nails into the coffin.

i start in with the usual "hey its me and shit" routine and pretend to be impressed by whatshisnames piece of shit 30 fps laptop.

this is also quite possibly (or rather probably) the ONLY time in darkfall history that someone has ever uttered the words "watch out for icon"

after draining the bank i was going to talk trash only to discover that nobody was online except for aoranar who was unresponsive and afk.

i hate it when that happens, half the guild probably quit after saving up goblin kills for weeks only to have their fearless leader fall on my sword slam dunking all of their hard work down the shitter.

the next day i saw this in tradechat.

im not sure who this guy is or how he knows how many "SEIGE HAMMERS" we have but id like to find out.

 lol

we are going to get ours dont worry. he isnt sure what he (or rather someone else) is going to do exactly just you rest assured that it will be SOMETHING and something really shitty at that!

according to mr deceitful bait here makestro died last night with a half dozen gearbags, guildbank, 20k and a siege on him. way to lose makestro!

additionally i didn't solo a gaggle of his guildmembers to cost them the siege, nay that must of been some other guild called axis of ignorance. he also runs through "that city we hang out at" every night and listens to us macro in the walls. naturally i only resort to this underhanded tactic of stealing their bank because i can no longer outmatch them with my macroed skills, nevermind the fact that my character wasn't anything special at the time due to spending 90% of my in game time killing and scamming folks and that the only time i have ever seen these retards is when i was standing on top of a mountain of their corpses.

 instead of naming himself "deceitful" he should of just gone with "full of shit" and left it at that.

 as you can tell i am butthurt and stuff.

by the above screenshot of their bankloot and the fact that i looted more off of their corpses you might have predicted that this guild was destined for nothingness.

you must be a psychic because none of them (except for fullofshit who is in another shitty guild called black watch) play anymore.

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 Cold Harbour

  (harbor motherfucker, not "harbour")

cold harbour in addition to being one of those "pirate" guilds that have never and will never see a ship outside of a youtube video spell harbor the faggoty vowel laden homosexual way and that annoys me.

as if the above wasn't enough they also tried to help axis of ignorance siege one of the hamlets that i had stolen fair and square from call girls and then declared war on us to boot.

as luck would have it empress scheherawhatever was online.

she was dumb enough to stand in the middle of the raft and rotate in circles until dead and then dumb enough to declare war on us. lets see if the stupidity indeed knows no bounds and she will rank me up with no questions asked..... 

 yep.

this is a recurring theme from many of the NA banks that i ripped off. i would either directly claim i was a DIE member to invite retaliation or pretend like i accidentally let it slip that i was from talpec (their city). sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't and sometimes the grieved parties were never sure but it gave me a chuckle everytime knowing that at a minimum their officers had to explain all about "that asshole darwoth" to the accusatory tells. 

i thought this part was pretty funny, on one hand we have scheherazade scratching her head trying to figure out why she is leaking guildmembers like a sieve and in the same screen we have a brand new guy getting his guild welcomes then 3 minutes later someone laughing about stealing the guildbank. if the first impressions for the other three were anything like this guys its no wonder they left.

according to lucy it isn't schereazades fault the bank got robbed..... it also isnt tyrones fault he rapes white women and died while trying to steal copper wire from a powerline. diam doesn't comprehend the "she invited and promoted a random guy" part and insists that i have been carefully working my way up the ladder for weeks all for this final glorious moment and that i am simply a liar. 

 oh look, i am butthurt again. who knew?

just like the other two guilds in this saga this one dried up and blew away soon after as well. all of the names you see above are unguilded and inactive except for schereherazade, lyrun and lucy who do not exist in a name search on NA anymore so i believe they must have moved back to the empty euro server where one can be a retard without consequence.

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Notorious

i am pretty sure every game since the beginning of games on every server of said game(s) has had a generic guild named notorious.

the fact that you have never heard of any of them other than a passing familiarity with the word and the fact that there is some gaggle of retards named notorious in every game you have ever played is because they are anything but. in fact if anything these guilds tend to be notorious for sucking ass and having a lifespan under 3 months but thats about it.

darkfalls incarnation happened to be in the TRA alliance (lol who else right?) alongside other crap guilds like die and varangian guard.

as one would expect this "notorious" guild had a number of morons in it, many who took on the name of their various nigger rapper idols. i chose to impersonate "biggy smalls" the lardassed groid who once upon a time enjoyed bloviating about fucking your daughters up the ass before making his only contribution to society which consisted of getting himself shot and killed by other niggers.

i start in with the standard opening and get this unexpected gem where satan ace starts laughing up a storm about selling his previous banned account and stealing 100 bucks from the guy who bought it.

which explains why after getting his ass kicked just outside of chillbourne a week prior to this he ran around a corner and vanished without a trace. 

i now dislike satan ace even more.

not only is he heading up a guild of dipshits, a hacking douchebag and swindles folks out of their hard earned dollars but he has a fucking dell monitor.

what the fuck? what kind of moron buys bigbox computer shit anymore, let alone dell shit?

the mere fact that i am now thinking of that annoying snowcone headed "duuude get a dell" asshole is enough to make me wish all manner of bad things upon satan ace.

after taking the bank i made a half hearted effort at getting bumped up to supreme general so that i could disband notorious and not be annoyed with seeing their guildtag again but ol ace balked at promoting me until i got in vent. not sure why he put me at captain before wanting verification but go figure.

i go ahead and sow the seeds of discord by making references to being in their alliance and not wanting to share mob spawns (a huge source of drama for every zerg alliance)

lol

"how is it empty ive been putting shit in all day!"

 while satan ace frantically seeks out a GM to come save the day and links me a stack of a few hundred stone i continue playing the part of disgruntled alliance member which appears to be working.

there are two kinds of people who smoke pot and do other drugs.

one is the everyday person of average or above average intelligence who simply enjoys catching a buzz and discreetly indulges himself in the privacy of his own home. yay for him.

the other, and unfortunately vastly larger group is the mouthbreathing moron that could not put a coherent thought together before he started doing drugs and while in his previous sober state was at least good for digging holes or cleaning shitters but is now useless for anything other than compost.

guess which category "honeydipped blunt" falls into?

WHY the fuck is there so many fucking IDIOTS in darkfall that NEED to tell everyone they smoke weed? who gives a fuck munchy man? its even worse than all of those dumbasses in highschool that would get some of dads beer and come in the next day regailing greatly exaggerated tales about how TOTALLY RIPPED they got the night before because it somehow makes them a COOL MOTHERFUCKER! at least they didnt name themselves something like "budweiser booyea" or start plastering stickers of beer cans all over all of their shit.

after mr blunt systematically went down the list of stupid things to say satan ace tried to get everyone to ignore me so that they wouldnt be able to hear how he screwed the pooch, when that didnt work he laughed at the notion that his members would lose faith in him as a leader.

nobody else was laughing however which probably played into why this guild doesn't exist anymore.

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Apollo

apollo is the greek god of the sun, medicine, disease, truth, archery, music and all kinds of shit, he is a badass dude.

apollo the guild however if anything are the deities of exreme sucktitude, indeed they are yet another of darkfalls self proclaimed "badass pk" guilds with an average playerskill level equivalent to the old timers guild. 

it is an extreme rarity for me to be out doing pve of any kind, especially in darkfall given that you dont need to kill a million mobs to advance your guy. however towards the start of the server when i needed to raise melee skill, stats, get regs and gold for magic and so on killing deathless mages only made sense given that everybody was broke and therefore had nothing of value to steal.

one thing that annoys the shit out of me when im engaging in the already aggravating task of pve is being jumped by some uncoordinated assclown (or in this case, pair of them) when im at half health who then proceeds to talk shit like he is some kind of downright amazing sage of gaming.

20 minutes later i felt a little better after dropping swat apollo like yesterdays lunch and then running off captian bloodbucket (wonder if he knows he spelled captain wrong and therefore first impressions indicate that he is a moron) who swam across, mounted up and left swat to die as soon as i started attacking.

i was not satisfied with this however and captian bloodbucket had gotten away which made things even more anti climatic. i also had some time to kill because they would inevitably be back and whenever your fighting with folks over a spawn while your solo it is always best to log out for a bit so they spend time coming back, more time looking for you, the initial twitchy nervous phase of looking over their shoulders and then just as they relax and get into the flow of things you log in 50 feet away behind a tree and kill them. repeating this a handful of times usually does the trick and they stop returning.

to easy

unfortunately destroth was only a colonel so could not promote me to SG and lose his guilds city for them, so i approach "ghostface killah" (seriously, what a fucking idiot) who politely lets me know that while i am his "homie boi" (like i said...... seriously, what a fucking idiot) i need to be in vent first.

unable to do a favor for the darkfall community by erasing the entire guild i did the next best thing and did a favor for apollo itself by booting all of their shitty members (all of them that i could)

swat comes back just in time for the initial "wtf" phase where i indirectly pin the blame on him with a "mistell", i doubt anybody bought it though because im sure everyone realized that some kind of scheme would be well beyond swats capability.

"huh ?" sums it up pretty good actually.

the irony of a guy named "use massengill" (a douche) calling ME a douche is quite profound.

while massengill tries to figure out what the word rife means, anthrax and ghostface killah (rofl) assert that it is ok their leadership is made up of gullible buffoons because their shitty guild is poor anyway, which is why vicious has no idea what was in the bank but knows beyond any doubt that it was worthless. 

tyranis is angry, he also thinks it is better to steal peoples shit in the real world than their video game items.

ghostface killah (lol) puts out the gag order and tells everyone to "YO FUCKS STAY OUT" but then continues prattling on himself.

REBEL without a cause clue that he is ol vicious defies ghostface killah (haha) and questions his authority, meanwhile makestro just so happens to be rampaging through their city slaughtering everyone lol.

sometimes it is so easy to stir shit up. since vicious questioned his guildleader in an open forum i tell him to stfu because he is a lowly peon, which predictably caused yet more 17 year oldesque posturing on his part and that was met with classic powertripping guildleader syndrome.

after trying to figure out what exactly a "ghostface killah" is ghostface killah (....lol) asserts that he does not know because he is an idiot with an iq of 37.

i believe him.

having amused myself for an hour or so i sorted out the small amount of crap from apollo's lifesavings that was worth keeping. it was now time to continue killing deathless mages.

hey swat.....

"please dont come here again, you will get killed again"

blahahahaha

apollo is a long dead guild however their traditions and heritage have not gone forgotten. indeed the echoes of wailing newbs in hammerdale persists to this day just as did during their (extremely short) tenure as it is now the HQ for darkfalls community organized newbie starter guild "NEW" 

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