Repository Ripoff 4( NA - 1 ) 
This is a sequel to part one, two and three .......................................................................... Imperil Imperil was one of your standard large zerg carebear guilds that plays these sort of games. they are not very good, but at the same time they are better than some others, they have no real ambitions or plans and end up playing the game utilizing the standard template. mass recruit - beat rocks/trees for months - mass recruit - join big zerg alliance - mass recruit - complete city - mass recruit - never leave city area and get bored - mass recruit - get owned and lose city - mass quit 
iam killer is the leader of imperil and would later go on to be one of the main "middleman" traders for transferring houses and a vehement "i hate scammers they should be banned!" type today is a glimpse into why he hates scammers so much as well as why nobody in their right mind should allow a gullible fellow like him to transfer large sums of gold for them unless they want a flattened wallet and a bunch of apologies. 
at a glance 10k gold and 61 modules, which was a hefty sum during the early days of the server. it always amazes me how many folks not only blindly invite and promote me but do so when the character i am using has a name that is completely different than the guy i am supposed to be. i have stolen over a dozen or so banks on the same random name generated character, many of which are in the same alliance. 
apparently iam killer knows the guy im pretending to be irl and even grew up with him which makes this whole situation even more retarded. usually folks that tell me to "go hack an account like the big boys!" are assbag quasi griefers that once upon a time tricked someone even dumber and more broke than themselves into giving them their login details (once had a dumbshit in EQ pester me for weeks to give him my login details so he could "help me level" lol) unaware that while seldom prosecuted said activity is a felony and assuming the victim resides in a different state a federal one at that. however this was a different treat, a "trusted middleman" is scoffing at my bank heist and telling me to go steal someones account instead as though he has personal experience in such things. again this is a perfect example of why even if i was a legitimate carebear player like everybody else i would never use these "middlemen" to conduct a trade for me. 
nothing special but i thought this was kind of funny, while sorting through all of the shit i had just taken from imperils bank a couple of sinister guys came in and slaughtered everyone in their city for a half hour. just isnt their day i guess. 
"we just got cleaned out by some internet jew" lol for some reason that gives me a laugh everytime i see it, reminds me of the scene in borat where him and his buddy are throwing money at the door crack trying to appease the old jewish lady =P also whats up with lieutenant cyberattack? i cant tell if his name is supposed to be "lol lol", a pair of eyes, balls or enlarged assholes. 
........................................................................... FOUR TWENTY( yes, all caps =/ ) contrary to what some who know me might think i do not hate potheads, really i dont. in fact i think you should be able to smoke pot and partake in any other kind of drugs you want in the privacy of your own home. as long as your useage does not effect me and i do not have to pay for it or your welfare check i could not possibly give less of a shit than i do right now about what you do. i do however hate annoying morons who NEED to tell EVERYONE at EVERY opportunity how totally awesome they are because they smoke weed, i hate the pothead culture of underachievement, i hate the "durrr hey d000d hey dawg 420 bro lolz lets get the nuggz maaaan" persona of potheads and...... well ok fine i guess i do hate potheads, a lot actually. it is the rare responsible recreational drug user that i do not mind. i also don't like dumbshits or people that type in all caps, so in light of all the above i am of the firm belief that the denizens of "FOUR TWENTY" should be disemboweled and forced to smoke their own entrails out of their bong. 
the name leroy instantly makes one think nigger and nigger = stupid. naturally in FOUR TWENTY (fucking retards) there is an officer named leroy. i contact leroy with the standard "hey, its.... me!" deal  
wheeee more bags of presents for me! 
i break the news to the guild and pin the blame on DIE before argueing with brentor about whether or not i am him. meanwhile comet bus finds everything amusing and vincent compares the goings on to the twilight zone (at least i hope thats what he was talking about and not the homosexual vampire series written for overweight housewives).  
just say no kids, otherwise you could end up like brentor argueing with a stranger in a video game about whether he is you or not. in light of his responses and the THC induced haze that he most assuredly was in im pretty sure that i actually had this fucking idiot going for a minute. brentor is pissed off now and before letting me know i can go fuck myself vows revenge against die for stealing his guildbank and messing with his head. one thing to be said for him and his guild is that while their agression was obviously misplaced they did at least follow through on their threats as they were raiding DIE's city pretty consistently after this, which is pretty damn funny. 
"your a fucking moron, the only reason you looted the bank is because leroy fucked up" welcome to the world of narco logic and obama voters. 
while the freshly demoted and chastised leroy stands quietly in the time out corner grim skull logs on and makes it known that all of the officers are trustworthy, its just that leroy is an idiot. everyone else continued discussing their sexual conquests with my mother and other family members (even my dog! wtf!?). my mother is such a whore, i swear she must have banged half the whiney newbs in darkfall. thanks a lot mom, way to bring shame to the family! naturally, as always i spent 50 bucks on a second account JUST to take THEIR guildbank (lol) which is maddening to them because i could of bought a bag of pot instead! there is only one place this is going......... 
and that of course is a discussion about pot prices in various localities and subsequent private messages working up interstate drug deals. i see this shit ALL the time in the various games and game boards i have been around and marvel at the stupidity every single time. is johnny law going to read the darkfall chat and bust you for selling pot? probably not.... however every single block of text you type is transmitted through and stored on shitloads of servers before it reaches its destination, doesnt take more than the guy you just sold pot to getting busted and rolling over for them to subpoena an ISP or game server host and having all the evidence they need for a conviction. and since it involves computers, mail and interstate you now have a half dozen federal narcotics charges levied against you. grats on losing life. these are the same type of geniuses that go out and murder someone then talk about it all over their myspace page, get caught and scratch their heads in amazement wondering how that happened.   in spite of swapping their members out like an IPSC champion swaps mags FOUR TWENTY is actually still going strong in darkfall, a lasting testament not to their quality as a guild but the quality (or lack thereof) of most of the dumbshits in the game. ........................................................................ Demons of Razgriz newbie guilds..... they are full of newbs. the newbs jump in circles and on your head for 15 minutes at a time when your at the bank, they "train" the one spell they have by debuffing you with loud annoying spells in town, they rage about "that fucking loser pk" that stole their 17 logs next to the goblin spawns, they bitch about and report "those loser macroers" that have better characters than they do despite being "losers" that have better shit to do than sit on their ass all day, they spam chat channels looking for people dumb enough to join their guild, they spam you with tells asking if you want to join their shitty guild, they last two weeks or less and they all think they will be the next roman empire of gaming. 
i was minding my own business at the bank getting ready to transfer some of the guildbanks i had gotten when i recieved the above tell. after a brief conversation with seph oroph and telling him about my half dozen friends that would bolster his ranks, offering to make his fledgling guild a super cool website and so on i was good to go with a high ranking position. as an aside what the fuck is with these metrosexual fag names people name their kids anymore? why does sally soccermom and gary grilldad have an unquenchable californian thirst to be "different" by affixing their children with the moniker of a limpwristed homosexual? if my parents had named me brendan i would beat the shit out of them while blasting "a boy named sue" then go change my name to slobodan milosevich. 
the fish you see is basically the only thing in their bank that was worth keeping. after changing the motto to something more appropriate i decided to help all of these poor newbs out and ensure that they got off to a better start within the harsh world of agon by booting them out of this shitmagnet of a guild. 
"make sure you dont recruit any spies....... omg we got looted by a spy!" lol while seph oroph debates with himself about whether to kick me out of the guild or not aegiz has a coniption fit and teaches me intrigueing truths such as that i am a holy spy for the lord himself along with interesting tips such as once you cook fish it becomes food instead of fish. 
as i round a corner i am met with this terrifying sight, ghost chant corners me with the maniacal gleam of death and revenge burning brightly in his eyes. 
 it was self defense, honest! after relieving ghost chant of his prized goblin shirt i made my way to the bank and armed myself with a polearm in case anymore green named evildoers were afoot. 
 i am up shits creek now! william wallaces long lost nephew "grove braveheart" is going to gank me for the "lulz" 
apparently araziel missed aegizs earlier raging and has no idea what is going on or why i would slaughter him at the blacksmith and take his bag of finely crafted goblin axes. if you were to ask aegiz i am also a moron because i didnt hang out in the guild for weeks (well days rather, as that is how long the guild is likely to last) waiting for the BIG SCORE that was surely just around the corner. 
while continueing to kill my new guildmates grove demands answers and questions my manhood. 
FREEEEEEEEEEDOOOMMM!!!!!!!!! 
mr wallace always was a bad influence on his nephew, especially while drinking. 
after killing him and his guildmates several times araziel resigns himself to defeat and calls me an internet tough guy, which didn't make a whole lot of sense to me because i always thought internet tough guys were the folks that are badass mma champions with a closet full of machineguns who upon getting owned are all to happy to challenge you to a real life duel behind the gym during lunch. this also marks the first time i have ever told someone to go back to wow, i feel dirty inside. 
here he tried to sneak out of town and make a break for it, however he then spotted a treasure laden goblin corpse and made a detour which allowed me to catch up and internet toughguy him to death. 
back at the bindstone my guild bans finally kicked in and everyone was removed from the guild which turned them blue and unattackable in town limits, araziel seemed to notice this as well and stopped to look at me for a minute until i took out a bow and started shooting arrows "at him" where he turned around and took off down the road. it was the last i saw or heard of araziel, he probably went back to wow. 
a couple of days later i saw seph oroph in chillbourne having just ressed (big surprise right? lol) and he informed me that his plans for world domination never came to fruition so he made yet another guild that ALSO failed in the 3 or 4 days it had been since my initial foray with demons of razgriz. he is probably spamming tradechat trying to find recruits for his 17th guild as i type this. ................................................................................ Necessary Evil crap guild. zerg guild. red army alliance guild. what else is there to say? these sorts are a dime a dozen and pretty much indistinguishable from one another.  i was out frollicking in the forest one fine day when nature called and i had to hide in some bushes to go take a piss irl. upon returning i found myself under siege and half dead (soon to be all dead) by three unsavory individuals. generally i would vow revenge and forget about them five minutes later, however this time was different as they LAUGHED AT ME! now i dont know about you but in my eyes not only is there little to laugh at in a 3v1 against an afk guy, but even less so when he comes back a few hits before finishing him off and gets all three of you to approximately half health inciting a game of parrywhore pingpong. in fact i dare say they did it just to annoy me. it worked. 
"rofl kk" if you want a higher chance of success when infiltrating/robbing a guild using some kind of completely retarded tactic like this always see if you can find someone with a name that sounds like they may be a female. a good general rule is that women in game, just like in day to day life lack anything resembling common sense and tend to ask the least amount of questions. 
two minutes after emptying the coffers lady zian frantically lets me know that their bags of worthless shit are missing, after a brief lesson on manners and etiquette she politely asks who would do such a thing. naturally it is that rotten bastard hyp from die, who happens to be in their alliance.  after lady zian realized she wasn't getting the loot back and would have to explain her noxious brainfart to the guild poison envy (whom i hope is another female, because if not he might as well of named himself peterpuffer with a name like that) DEMANDS the stuff back. he/she then lets me know that "believe me i know that wasnt me" and given that i already knew it wasnt her since it was in fact ME i still have no idea what the fuck that was supposed to mean. 
as hyp deals with angry accusatory tells scarpia goes on to explain to the alliance how i spend my "entire life" stealing banks in darkfall and reveals my invite a second alt trick (that has yet to actually work =/ ) sturmgrenadier empathizes and talks about how some asshole (that asshole being me har har) did the same thing on the euro server, ironically many of the shitty guilds that fell victim on the euro server are in this same crap alliance together lol. one shining example is varangian guard that can be seen giving the "always verify!" advice despite the fact that they..... well didn't and lost their guild + city along with their bank as a result. 
"wait.... see the trick is this........ steal their guildbank! lololorofllalsadimafuckingmoronlolarofl!!!!!!" with tactical fucking geniuses like bel thane in their ranks it is amazing that this alliance fell apart within a few months (instead of a few weeks). i try to drum up a bloodthirsty fervor and convince the alliance to let loose a flood of war declarations on us to save us time but nobody is game because they are all "saving their war decs for sieges" lol these dipshits were on the recieving end of just about every siege their alliance was ever involved in during its short lifespan and even then they were about once every 2 or 3 weeks. you would think that these big zerg alliances would just keep guilds in enemy alliances on their war list in advance but nope..... instead they would typically throw out peace treaties after a siege which is just the epitomy of nauseating carebearness. 
scuba steve cracks the latest in a series of jokes about my wife and niggers before asserting that everytime he sees me in game im dead, must have been my evil retarded twin with no hands (because he ate them) given that before they left the game i had a 436 - 2 kill/death ratio against his guild. after this the lowrider lawnmower patrol insulted me in their native third world tongue. 
tunneling under peoples banks and skimming a little is "so bannable" so put your shovels away fellas. i really want to think that this guy was trying to make a joke that just came out wrong making him look like a retard and that he does not actually think its possible for members of sinister to dig a tunnel into his bank..... but i have this nagging doubt in the back of my mind =/. 
............................................................................... APEX(yes, all caps) whenever a guilds name is made up of all caps and it is not an abbreviation for something you don't need to know anything else about it to reach the logical conclusion that it is shit and has morons for members. this particular guild caught my eye because their guildleader "looselikea wizardssleeve" (what a stupid fucking name) was spamming tradechat every 3 - 5 minutes with his recruit macro. the problem with spamming recruit macros aside from the fact that your recruits will be newbs and gimps is that occasionally you will recruit an asshole. 
BOOYAH! 1.0 arcane motherfucker! also apparently the guy i am being today is a grounded teenybopper lol. 
 after looting the bank i made a move for SG so i could disband the guild but ol wizardsleeve (does this retards name remind anybody else of a stupid version of cool hand luke?) balked at that and started telling me i was some guy named kith who apparently knew both "me" and loosesleeve irl. keeping in character of a grounded teenager i thanked wizardsleeve for causing me to get my ass beat which struck a nerve and caused him to have a catastrophic rage fit. he must of gotten his ass beat recently. while this exchange was going on apex and their allies were under attack or something...... 
"what we have here is a failure to communicate - bossman" lol i don't even really know what to say here, exept just..... wow. 
"get ready for war!" all of you reading this should immediately check your guild roster for garak bonebreaker, if you find him there then you simply lose darkfall and must forever hide your face in shame. that goes for xaylon as well whos loss of a whopping 150 gold is almost more than he can bear. 
apparently wizardsleeve is a bad motherfucker and somehow survived while all of his guildmates were slaughtered instantly. according to the forums he was also banned for hacking during aventurines second big ban wave! 
after several waves of naked bindrushing and a windfall of reinforcements from their alliance the handful of invaders were pushed out of the city. garak rejoices in his spoils of war which consisted of 10 gold, 33 mandrake, a mount, rank 30 sword and a blackbolt. he is quite the soldier of fortune indeed. best part is his guildmate trying to nab his mob drop rank 30 sword and his reply of "yesh i need it" i really hate morons that respond to a question that puts them in a situation where they feel awkward with googoo gaga drooling baby talk. why couldn't this piece of shit just been like "yeah i need it" or better yet "no i dont need it but sadly this is the most valuable item i own and therefore you cant have it" instead of the fucking retarded response of "yesh" it is like a combination of a newborn drooling their mashed up peas all over themselves, a faggot with a lisp, someone busting ass with a wet fart and a sheepish retarded teenager all at the same time. what a fucking dickhead, i hate garak bonebreaker. 
apparently garak has never owned a mount before either as he doesn't know how to put it away, i tried to help out by telling him that the proper method of packing up your mount is to beat on it until the bar goes away. unfortunately the guild kick timer went off before i got to see if it worked or not. not like it matters anyway though as he will either keep it in his bank as a treasured heirloom or lose it within five minutes of taking it out. 
pretty terrible bank. not unexpected given that 10 gold and 33 mandrake is something that generates excitement with these folks. .............................................................................
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